It Sure As Hell Ain't Country by Kendall


Kendall's Comments:   Here is one I submitted to the dt, but, I don't know if it will make it or not.  It's based on a true experience; but, I took great liberties with the truth.  I must confess . . . I don't have a son, I don't do one night stands, and I never pick up hikers.

I was rolling along on the interstate in an 18 wheeler two hours late
Searching the dial for a country song
But I never did find one,
Nothin' on but rock music, thats an oxymoron
I picked up a hiker to relieve the gloom
Tought if she's willin' I'll get us a room
Make our own music..no such luck
All she wanted was my radio.

She found a station that was playing that stuff that some call country, that was bad enough
Then, she started singing along
Had a voice that would shatter Tupperware

We rode that way for miles and miles
I tried to talk, but, she just smiled
Kept on singing with that awful voice
Finally, I knew I had no choice
I gotta get rid of her, or shut her up somehow.
I stopped at a diner outside Duluth
Found myself a darked booth
Tried to get friendly, but she couldnt hear
Had one of them damned Walkmen stuck in her ear
Same old rock and roll. Nuff to make you chew your own leg off.

I dropped her off in my own home town
She opened the door, and 'fore she jumped down
She wanted to know if we'd meet again
I said "Aint likely, I'm not into pain."
I finally walked through my own front door, tv was on going full bore
The boy was watching TNN, and that same old racket hit me again
Cant get away from it..its like pollution
It's everywhere.
Sme guy was pounding a big stack of drums
Screeming something at the top of his lungs
Another had a "steel" and a cowboy hat
My son said "Whats the matter? you dont like that?
He's singing 'bout the land of the free"
I said "Boy, you could have fooled me
But, I'll tell you this much..
IT SURE AS HELL AINT COUNTRY.